As I’m sure you’ve noticed in recent weeks, there’s a trend going around social media. Adults are posting their high school graduation and senior pictures as a way of recognizing and supporting 2020 graduates, who will not be able to participate in spring commencement ceremonies, host graduation parties, or celebrate their achievements in traditional ways.
On one hand, this is a kind recognition. It’s always painful when our expectations are not met, but for such a large accomplishment – graduating from high school, college, or graduate school – to be cancelled due to a global pandemic is something else entirely. As a 2020 graduate myself, I’ve found myself asking, “What do you mean a virus is causing me and my friends to not be able to do the thing that everyone else before me got to do? Something that allows me and my loved ones to recognize and celebrate the incredibly hard work I’ve done to achieve this accomplishment?” There’s a surreal quality to this situation we’re facing, and it’s normal for 2020 grads of all levels of education to feel cheated, frustrated, angry, or mournful over this loss of recognition.
But the loss of graduation ceremonies is more than a loss of personal recognition. It’s also a loss of the welcomed pause that comes between what is ending and what is coming. It’s in this pause that graduates (and their support systems) transition; there’s a celebration of what was, a recognition of what’s being lost, and excitement for what’s to come. In this transition, graduates do a lot of important emotional work.
They grieve the loss of the “old normal” – they anticipate changes in their friendships, home life, and even physical location. Even though they might be excited for what’s coming next, there can be a bittersweet feeling that permeates the impending changes.
They tend to reflect on their support system – they recognize the people and communities that helped them get to the finish line: parents, siblings, friends, religious communities, extended family, teachers, and mentors.
They tend to use this transition time to anticipate the changes that are coming – and summon the courage and excitement needed for the next steps.
By posting their senior pictures, individuals are trying (I think) to recognize the depth of this loss by remembering their own transitions. I think individuals are trying to say, “I know this hurts because it’s about more than walking across a stage.”
This intention is wonderful, but posting a picture on social media isn’t the most helpful or demonstrative way of supporting a 2020 graduate in your life. Instead, consider one of the following ways of recognizing your graduate:
Host a virtual party
Using whatever medium you prefer and/or have access to, host group phone, Zoom, Skype, or Google Hangout call. You know your graduate best – what tends to make them feel special and how might you incorporate that into your celebration? Can you plan to “cheers” the graduate together? Have a celebratory dance party using the graduate’s favorite music? Ask the graduate to put on their ceremonial dress (or a bathrobe) and march across the living room while someone plays “Pomp and Ceremony”? Maybe go around the virtual room and share a memory of the graduate that is meaningful to you?
Write a note/letter
If technology isn’t accessible, consider expressing your congratulations, pride, and love for them through written word. Go a step beyond your usual greeting card signature and share with a word of advice for their next steps or a few sentences on what they mean to you.
If you’re a parent, perhaps you could organize a letter chain in which multiple special individuals from the graduate’s community can write letters of congratulations and support.
Send flowers or a meaningful gift
Amazon, UPS, and flower shops can deliver – even if we can’t leave our homes!
Use your creativity to create a meaningful gift
A photo album, scrapbook, t-shirt quilt, painting, blanket, baked goods – wherever your creative strengths lie, utilize them to show your graduate that you care and that you’re thinking of them.
Organize a trip down memory lane.
This might be driving through town, noting your graduate’s special places, or it might be organizing a scavenger hunt of important memorabilia (sports trophies, tokens from previous graduations, photos, etc.), helping them reflect on each step of their journey.
Whatever method you employ to support your 2020 graduate, it’s important to recognize not only the loss of the usual celebration customs, but also to provide them (and yourself!) with a pause to transition: to grieve, to reflect, and to anticipate. Providing this space for your 2020 graduate is probably the greatest gift and most supportive act you can give them during this strange, tradition-breaking time of COVID-19.
Outpatient Therapist, Family Solutions